A few things I'm thankful for...
A: Air to breathe
B: Back tickles
C: Church, caramel apple cider, creativity
D:Dad
E: Energy
F: Family,Friends, food
G: Grace
H: Holy Spirit, House, Health
I: Ideas, ice cream
J: Jesus, Josh
K: Kindness, Knowledge, Kisses
L: Laughter, Love, Life
M: Mom, money, memories
N: New beginnings
O: Old friends
P: Pets
Q: Quiet
R: Ryan
S: Sleeping, sunshine, sleeping in the sunshine, smelly candles
T: Transportation
U: Unconditional love
V: Vision, vacations
W: Water
X: Xyanthopyll (causes leaves to change color in fall)
Y: You for reading this
Z: Zoos

Cards, cards, and more cards...At the beginning of December we are having an employee craft and bake sale at work. My co-worker talked me into selling my hand-made cards, so I've been a busy beaver mass producing cards. I'm still at the point where I am enjoying it, which is important. I signed up with less then a month to work, so I guess I can only blame myself.

We paid off Ryan's car!!! It felt good and bad to write that check. Bad because it was a good chunk leaving our bank account, but good because we are making visual process toward being debt free. I recommend Financial Peace University to everyone. (I think people at work are getting tired of me talking about it)

I am still loving the Financial Peace University class. We recently had a week about dumping debt which got me all pumped up, ready to pay of our debts (car loans and school loans). With the plan we can be debt free in 4 years (this isn't including the house). Sounds better then paying school loans for 10 more years. Our budget this month has gone well. There were a few things we forgot to budget for, such as pet supplies. Sorry, Leia, you can't eat this month. :) We were able to work it out though.

A few weeks ago we took the youth group to the Dixie Classic Fair. My friend and co-worker Kelly went with us as well. First we ate food. Then we rode a ride in the rain. Then we ate more food. Then we went to the Mandisa and Matthew West concert. Not a fan of Mandisa but she did do some fun old classic songs like "Stop in the Name of Love" and "Respect". Kelly and I had a blast. There are pictures to prove it, but I have yet to see them. Then Matthew West performed. I hadn't really heard of him before, but we decided to go up front since he was a cutie. So we grabbed the girls from youth group and headed up there. We were in the 2nd row. Kelly and I were acting like we were 12. We had a blast! Then Matthew jumped off stage and landed next to Kelly and I. She rubs his arm raw, I just touch his arm. Crazy girls. Oh wait, it wasn't just us girls. Zack and Chris did it too! After the concert Kelly and I said "This will not be the night that we remember being cold and wet. This is the night we were 12 again."

I found out my mom is coming in December to visit! I am so excited!!!! The Angel family Christmas party is the first weekend, so we'll drive up to Maryland together. I can't wait!!!

At church Ryan and I are taking Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University seminar. Each week we watch a DVD with the lesson, then have a discussion with a group of about 20 people. During the week there is "homework" to do. We have only taken the class for 2 weeks now, but I have realized how blessed Ryan and I are when it comes to money. Don't know what we are doing right, but we must be doing something right. The class talks about baby step #1 is to set up an emergency fund of $1000. Ryan and I have never not had at least that amount in the bank. We have never had to live paycheck to paycheck.There are people in the class that say they don't even know how they can save $1 a month to put towards the emergency fund because every penny goes to bills. That's insane to me. But on the other hand, there is probably one thing they could find that they could do without for that month. Ryan and I have lived a lifestyle where if we want it, we get it. Now I'm not saying that is good. We want to be able to manage our finances so we have a lot saved up for retirement, emergencies, etc. I'm not saying I don't want to not spend my money on anything fun anymore. We just want to be good stewards of our money, so we will be putting ourselves on a budget each month. It'll be hard for me to get in that mindset again. We had an "allowance" in college. If I wanted McDonald's at the end of the month, but only had $1 in my allowance, yet we still had money, no McDonalds. Don't get me wrong, I'm not bragging here, but it has made me greatful.

Happy birthday to Ryan! He turned the big 3-0 today. Yesterday we went to Raleigh for a Jars of Clay, Switchfoot and Third Day concert. There was another band too, but I can't remember their name. I wasn't impressed anyway. The concerts were very good. Unfortunately we missed some of Jars of Clay, because they started at 6:00 and we got there a little late because we both had to work and it was a 2 hour drive. It was cool seeing these 3 bands together, because they were all some of the first bands that I listened to when I became a Christian, so they had a huge influence on my faith. And it's cool that 10 years later, they still do. The venue was cool. It was an outdoor pavilion, some of which had a roof over it. We were at the point where the roof stopped and it was just open air behind us. There was a section where you could find a place in this huge grassy area, but we ended up getting tickets with an actual seat. It reminded me a lot of Cornerstone. Being out with the stars above you, breeze blowing, and rocking out to some awesome music. I miss Cornerstone. Maybe someday I'll be back.

As for me personally, I'm doing fine. God has really healed me and I'm very thankful for that. I still have my moments, but I'm sure that will always be there. I know God knows that my #1 desire is to have a baby. I want to be a mom so bad. It'll happen someday.

So here is what is going on in my life. I was pregnant. I am no longer pregnant. Ryan and I started trying in May and we got pregnant in May. We couldn't believe how fast it happened. We were so excited. I enjoyed being pregnant. For a few weeks I did hate food, and for me that is just crazy. I felt sick in the evenings. After that went away I was feeling great. I'd get tired, but feeling great. I remember even saying to people, "When I felt sick, my body was at least giving me a sign that I am pregnant. Now that I feel good and aren't showing yet, it is kinda scary because there is no real indication that I am pregnant." Little did I know... Even though it is really hard right now, I don't want to forget that joy Ryan and I had for our first pregnancy. The night we found out we were pregnant I heard David Cook's song "time of our lives" and thought just that, that this is the time of our lives. Ryan treated me like a princess. He kissed my belly every night and said goodnight to the baby.

So this is what happened...We are currently in Minnesota visiting family. Mom and Josh came down for a few days, and dad came down as well. I got to see my 2 year old niece a ton. She is the cutest thing on this planet. We went to a Twin's game, lots of shopping, Science Museum, the zoo, etc. I even had a surprise baby shower. On Wednesday and Thursday I had some light bleeding. I called the doctor and they said I shouldn't be alarmed and many women bleed some. I should go to the hospital if the bleeding increases or if I get heavy cramping. We were going to Ryan's grandpa's house 3 hours away from the cities. We were a few minutes away from grandpa's house and I felt heavy bleeding. I checked it out and told Ryan we needed to go to the hospital. So we went to the ER because OB wouldn't see me because I was only 12 weeks. They did an exam, ultrasounds, and blood work. After 3 hours of being there, the doctor came in and told us the bad news. I have what is called a "blighted ovum". It is when the egg is fertilized and develops into an embryo, but then gets absorbed by the uterus. The gestational sac where the baby would be and the placenta still develop. However the sac is empty since the baby never really grew. They detected this on the ultrasound. The sac is about the size that it would be at 7 weeks of pregnancy. And to make matters worse, this is only the beginning of my miscarriage. I still have to get rid of that sac and placenta. Hopefully my body does it naturally so I don't need a procedure to do it. The doctor said to expect a lot of bleeding and cramping. I got some pain meds from him. I just want it to be over.

People keep asking how I'm doing. It's such a funny question. Do they really want to know how I'm doing? I just lost my first baby. I was fooled for 3 months that I was pregnant, when really I may have only been for a very short while. I kept telling Ryan "I just want to go home." Which is true. I want my kitties to snuggle. I want my own bed. I want to be able to escape if I want to. However, tonight was ok. We had the whole Monson clan here for dinner and I was able to get my mind off of it some. It's hard when I have to see people for the first time since they found out, it's hard e-mailing people, it's hard to see the baby gifts I received. I will make it though. I will be stronger because of it. I really am not looking forward to going to work again. It will be hard to see my friends there. I know they support me, but again, it's just hard to see people. I don't want to call my dad on Monday. I know what it is like to feel other people's pain, and I don't want people to feel pain because of what Ryan and I are going through. Sometimes compassion sucks. I love my family and friends to death and I know they love me. I have been so blessed with them and we will get tons of support from them. There are still other people we have to tell. I hate telling people. I know Ryan and I debated who we were going to tell we were pregnant and when. Our reasoning was to tell family, friends, and church, because if something bad did happen, we would want their support. And we do, however, when we are pregnant again, I'm not sure how we are going to go about doing it. Having to tell people that you lost your baby is one of the hardest things I had to do.

Please pray for us. God will heal us over time. I have no doubt about that.

I know it has been months. I apologize to the 2 of you that may check this and who continue to find it never updated. As I have said before, I just haven't felt like writing anything. Life has had some ups and downs lately, but I will be vague and for that I apologize as well. I guess I just don't feel like putting everything out there for the world to see sometimes. As for the "ups" in my life right now, at some point, hopefully soon, I will elaborate more. So you guys will have something to look forward to. Until next time...

What a beautiful day. It is in the mid-70's today and sunny. Ryan and I have been outside for a few hours doing yardwork, which I am surprisingly enjoying. It is probably because it is such a nice day, so doing anything outside would be pleasant.

Leia is still doing good. Potty training is time consuming. It is discouraging hearing that a lot of puppies aren't fully trained until they are a year old. We are using a crate, which is helping a whole lot. When we got her she was 4 pounds. Now she is 6.6 lbs. She can climb up the stairs of the porch now. Our little girl is growing up so fast :)

I know it was been forever. For some reason, I haven't had any desire to write on here. Let's see if I can remember some highlights.

We got a puppy. Her name is Leia. She is 6 weeks old and since she's so young, the breed is uncertain. We think she is 1/2 golden retriever, 1/2 something else. We got her on Friday, so we are still learning. She is quite the handful, but a ton of fun too.

Work has been good. For the first time since Sept. all of our animals are in their normal exhibits and everything is "back to normal". We had some construction going on, which threw stuff off for quite a long time.

It's pathetic, but I really can't think of anything else that has been going on. I'm sure there is, but again, I just don't feel like writing on this thing. :( I'm a bum. Time for me to get come cleaning done while the puppy is actually sleeping.

We got to go to Hancock for Christmas this year. It was a bumpy start, but we had a great time. Our plane left Greensboro on Christmas Eve. We arrived in Detroit in the morning to catch our flight, however they informed us that we wouldn't be getting on that flight and that we couldn't get to Marquette until the next morning (Christmas). What? Because of the cold weather in Marquette they had to put extra fuel on the plane, therefor bumping 8 people off the flight. At least they treated us well. We got free tickets to use later, a hotel room and lots of food vouchers. There were 6 of us that wanted to rent a van together and drive up to Marquette, but it would have cost way too much. Crazy what you will do when you are desperate to get home for Christmas. I was very upset. I just wanted to be home. I fought the tears in the airport, but then as soon as we got to the hotel I broke down. We did get to see Phil and Sandy. They picked us up at the hotel and went out to lunch. I went to bed at 6:00 that night so I didn't have to think about it. We had no problems getting out the next morning. We had a delicious Christmas breakfast at the airport and headed to Marquette. Dad was there waiting for us at the airport and drove us back home. Josh and Amy were at the house waiting for us. (Gracie too). Mom was at work so we headed to the hospital to see her. When she got home we celebrated Christmas. The next day we went out to dad's to celebrate. We went snowshoeing, ate a lot of food, had hot cider, played with the doggies, etc. There is always something special about dad's. I can't explain it. Maybe Josh knows what I'm talking about. The rest of the week was good. I got to hang out a lot with Josh and Amy. We ate at my favorite restaurant and ate my favorite pizza. Josh's band, Senator Dexter, played at a bar. It was really fun seeing them play, even if it was a lot different than it used to be. There were a lot of familiar songs and they played my favorite. It was so nice to be home for Christmas. Who knows when I'll be able to again.

I got promoted at work! Since my supervisor retired this summer, my co-worker got his position, opening up a Keeper II position. I had applied and had an interview in December. I found out on Wednesday. For the most part my job is the same except more responsibility...training people, making sure tasks get done, etc.