Well, I was right. I was in labor. I plan to sit down and fully document the birth process, but now is not the time. My baby is screaming in my arms and it is hard to type. After 35.5 hours of labor and then a c-section, Lana Elizabeth was born on July 26th at 11:55 am. She was 7 lbs 7 oz and 19.5 in long. She's absolutely beautiful.

I am making this public, but not "facebook" public, since only a few people read this. I wanted something documented, just incase...I don't want to jump the gun, but today might be the day. It's 3:11 am and I've been up since about 12:30 having contractions. They are coming about every 20 minutes. I'm having a lot of back pain with them, which is so not fun. Each contraction I just try to think "this is one step closer to meeting my son or daughter". I tried to sleep between them, but couldn't so I'm up tying up loose ends, like getting the final stuff packed in my hospital bag. Crazy! I'm letting Ryan sleep right now so both of us won't be exhausted, but after that last contraction, I think I want him up now. I really think today is the day...

37 weeks pregnant. I can't believe it. Only 3 more to go. I have had 3 showers. One at Ryan's work, one at my work, and one at church. As we were going to the church shower on Friday, I told Ryan how nontraditional my showers have been, which has been cool. I've had my showers at a school, a zoo, and a mall. We have slowly but surely been getting the nursery together. Now that we had our last shower we can do our last (ha ha ha...) load of laundry and get everything organized. Ryan has been a life saver. There is so much I want to do, but don't have the energy to do it. I have been sitting in the lay-z-boy writing thank you notes while he pulls stuff out and I tell him where to put it. Work is getting harder, but I'm going to try to stick it out until baby comes. The weather in the 90's the past month hasn't really helped. I am just so anxious to meet our baby. I can't wait to see what he/she looks like, how he/she acts...just how everything is going to run. I can't wait!!!! Well, I can, because I really want baby to come on my due date so mom and Josh can be here. That's really important to me, but I'm also preparing myself for the fact that it just might not happen that way.

Things I will miss when I'm not pregnant anymore:
-Feeling the baby move
-Having friends rub and talk to my belly (they can still do that but it'll be weird)
-Having a miracle grow inside of me
-Going to bed as early as I want
-general attention that pregnant women get
-having an excuse to not lift heavy stuff at work :)
-the extra kitty snuggles I'm getting. Obi likes to lay against my belly and purr and baby will kick
-realizing everyday how blessed I am to have Ryan as a husband who lets me come home from work and put my feet up while he cooks dinner and takes care of most chores

Things I won't miss:
-round ligament pain
-going pee ALL the time, especially almost hourly at night
-having a hard time getting out of bed
-difficulty bending down especially when doing things like putting on socks and feeding seals
-swollen ankles
-re-occurance of arthritis pain in my hands

Happy Mother's Day!

First off...to my mom...I love you! Thank you for being a wonderful mother. Today I was thinking of the fact that your mom never got to see you be a mom, and that makes me sad. I am so happy that you get to see me be a mom. I hope I make you proud. Thank you for always letting me know that I am loved. One week in Bible study the leader asked how many of us had parents that told us they loved us and showed us affection. Only 3 out of about 11 of us raised our hands...me, Ryan, and Kelly. That's sad for the others who didn't have parents that hugged them, snuggled with them, tucked them in at night, and said "I love you" regularly. Mom, thank you for being that parent so I could proudly raise my hand.

I had a wonderful first Mother's Day. I had to work, but I was able to get an ultrasound at work and see my baby today. When I got home Ryan had the baby furniture set up, bought me flowers, and made me apple crisp. It was perfect.

I am still loving being pregnant, but am starting to feel a lot more pregnant. It's harder to get up from sitting or laying, it's hard to put socks on, it's hard to bend over. I told Ryan the other day, "If I didn't have to wear socks, underwear, or pants, life would be easier right now." I don't think that would go over very well. My little turkey is very active in my belly, and it is just a miracle. I love feeling him/her move, and love when others get to experience it too. I am feeling much more then just kicks now...baby is just generally movin' and a shakin'.

So, to all the mothers out there...Happy Mother's Day!!!!

So I have the craziest roommate ever, Kelly. She's insane. That's all I have to say.

Actually, she's great. She found out I had a blog and noticed I didn't write about her. Sorry, Kel. It wasn't on purpose. I just didn't notice. :) She's been living here since October and will be leaving us the end of this month to go off and get married. Ryan and I are very glad that we were able to help them out in the meantime, and plus we get to have a roomie for awhile. Kelly has been great. She's my best friend and I wouldn't have wanted anyone else to live with us. Thanks, Kel, for being a good roomie!

I am 21 weeks pregnant now. We had the 20 week ultrasound last week and everything looked perfect. The 4D image is crazy cool. We could actually see our baby's profile. He/She had the most perfect little face. We could have found out the sex at this ultrasound, but we aren't finding out.

A few weeks ago I started to feel the baby kick, which is the coolest thing ever. Finally last night Ryan was able to feel it too, which made me so happy that he could finally be able to take part in it. I didn't think this was possible this early, but when I was leaning back on the couch earlier, the baby kicked and I actually saw my belly jump. That's a strong little baby in there. :)

I'm loving the 2nd trimester. I feel so much better. I love the way I look. If only it could stay like that...

This may take awhile. I have a lot to catch up on. :)
No, I didn't get left in Abu Dhabi and that's the reason why I haven't written about my trip yet. Laziness and being busy is my excuse. I've been so busy, that when I have free time, I don't feel like writing on this.

The trip to Abu Dhabi was amazing. Everyone asks how it was and my response is, "It's a whole different world over there." The culture, the architecture, the driving, the bathrooms...it's all so different then what I'm used to. I am so blessed to have been able to experience it.

Mom and I met up in Minneapolis. We had a long layover so Ryan's mom, sister, and my niece Violet picked us up at the airport. We went out to breakfast, visited my other niece Hailey at daycare, and went to Rachel's to relax for a bit. It was great to see them, even if it was for a short while. Mom and I board the plane in Minneapolis heading to Amsterdam and who is sitting across the aisle from us...2 young kids. Just what we didn't want. Not much sleeping was done there. In Amsterdam it was around 3 am our time and we were just so tired but had a few hour layover. As soon as I stepped foot on that plane I was out cold.

We arrived in Abu Dhabi in the evening. Just stepping off the plane and going through customs you could see how different it was over there. Women were in their abayas and shaylas. Men had on thier dishdashes and head scarfs. Josh let us see some of the city on the drive to his apartment. We had some yummy tabbouleh and hummus, met Josh's girlfriend, Nicole, and headed to bed. I had a dream that night about the Muslim call to prayer. I woke up in the morning and Josh said, "did you hear the call to prayer this morning?" I must have heard it while I was sleeping. A few times a day all the mosques (and there are a lot of them) do a call to prayer, where a man "sings" to signify it's time to pray. They are quite beautiful but also strange when you are driving down the road and hear it. Only once did we actually see people praying in pubic. There were some workers outside who stopped their work to pray.

We saw SO much when we were there. On the first day we drove around and saw the souks, the dhows, Emirate's Palace, the Arabian Gulf, and Abu Dhabi in general. We ate at a lovely outdoor restaurant. We ate outside a lot which I absolutely loved. Had my first of many mint lemonades of that trip.

We also went into the Emirate's Palace, which is a super expensive hotel. It's strange how any Joe Shmoe can walk on into these places. While there they had an art exhibit up so we saw that. Jackson Pollack was the only artist there that I had heard of, but there was pretty cool stuff. We had tea (well, everyone except for me) and a swanky bar at the palace. It was beautiful outside with all these water fountains everywhere. After a week in the UAE, you notice that EVERYONE has water fountains. They never got old though.

The next day we took a trip to the desert, Al Ain, to visit Josh's old boss. On the way we pulled off of the freeway to see some sand dunes and we got to see 2 camels. :) We went up a mountain, Jebel Haffit. We drove through a nice park, which Josh calls the "green Muzzabuzza" which isn't it's name, but is much more fun to say. I loved how the culture is so family oriented. There were people everywhere, hanging out in the park. Very cool to see. We headed back to Al Ain and ate at an outdoor restaurant. I had to use some Arabic to ask for the bathrooms. Then we went to the town center where they had a cool fountain show.

The next day we visited the Grand Mosque. Wow, that place was impressive. Mom and I had to wear abayas and shaylas, which was a strange experience. Everything was ornate marble and super huge carpets. It's hard to even describe what this place was like. When we were leaving we got free pastries from the women handing out the abayas and shaylas because we caught them taking bites so they were very kind to offer us some yummy treats. :)

We headed up to Sharjah and Dubai the next day. Josh lived in Sharjah the first year he was over there. It was a lot different than I imagined it. We visited his friend's, Asma, boutique and got some scarves. She also had some yummy pastries for us. We ate some Thai food outside at Al Qasba, this cute area along a river lined with restaurants. I'd be there every night if I lived there. We then headed to Dubai. We stopped at the beach to get pictures of the Burj Al Arab, which is the big hotel shaped like a sailboat. Then we drove out to the palm islands to "see" the Atlantis Hotel. Little did we know Josh booked us a room as a surprise. We started pulling up the driveway and I was thinking we were going to get in trouble for driving up there and he said, "This is where we are staying tonight." Mom and I couldn't believe it! We had a gorgeous room overlooking the Arabian Gulf. We walked around the hotel, saw the aquarium there, and had a wonderful meal at the poolside restaurant. We attempted to use the spa, which was not our version of a pool and hot tub at a hotel. This had separate mens and womens, which we should've figured. You walk into a lockerroom, there were steam rooms, saunas, a broken hot tub (that's all mom and I wanted to do), and a relaxation room. Very swanky but unfortunately since I am preggo my only option was to put my feet in a hot tub but since it was broken that wasn't an option. Josh did enjoy his though. Mom spent the rest of her evening taking a nice bath while Josh and I headed to the imperial lounge for some juice and tea. We had a yummy breakfast at that same lounge the next morning. Tried some crazy new fruits. Then we headed to the beach and tried to soak up as much sun before we had to check out. That was my favorite part, but I'm such a beach bum. Then we went to the Dubai Mall, saw the aquarium there (which not much later made the news for springing a leak), then went up into the tallest building, the Burj Khalifa (which later made the news for closing the observation deck for electrical problems). Very impressive. As developed as Dubai is, you could still see so much desert around. I can only imagine what that place will look like in 10 years. We then ate at Fridays on the balcony outside, overlooking the Dubai Fountain and saw 2 of the fountain shows. Probably was my 2nd favorite thing about the trip. Then we headed back to Abu Dhabi after a busy 2 days in Dubai. The next day we went BACK to Dubai to go to the Global Village, which is this huge shopping area with vendors from different countries. I got a henna tattoo and some cool marble goblets.

The rest of the trip was spent running to little places here and there. We went to the Shangra La hotel and had drinks. Again, it's crazy to me that you don't have to be a customer and you can just wander the grounds and sit in their lounge and order stuff. We were trying to figure out a hotel in the US comparable to some of these hotels. I don't think we ever came up with one. We headed to Yas Island to get my friend a souvenir for the Formula One track that's there and there were actually cars running, which was cool to see.

I'm sure I left stuff out, but that's a pretty comprehensive list of what we did. It was a wonderful experience and I'm so grateful that I had the opportunity to go. Although I missed Ryan, it was nice having me, mom, and Josh together, since that doesn't happen very often. There, I did it. Done.

One more day until mom and I leave for Abu Dhabi to visit Josh. I can't wait!!!!

I guess since it's on facebook, it's official...I'M PREGNANT! I had my 12 week appointment today and everything looks just perfect. Praise God!

Resolution for 2010...write on this blog more. I'm sure I'll find lots to write about this year.

Holidays were good. Ryan's sister, her husband, and thier 2 children came to visit over Thanksgiving. It had been over a year since I saw my niece, Hailey, and I hadn't met my new niece, Violet, yet, so it was wonderful hanging out with them. My highlight was when Hailey read me "Go Dog Go", which she basically learned in a few days. I also enjoyed playing in the leaves with Ryan and Hailey. They visited me at the zoo, I took them to Pilot Mountain, we had a Thanksgiving feast, then Matt got appendicitis. :( Who else wants to come and visit???

I had to work on Christmas. Katy and I had a wonderful Christmas lunch at McDonalds when we got off of work at noon. Then I had a lazy day/evening with Ryan, opening presents, watching Christmas movies, and just relaxing.

For New Years we headed to Lynchburg, Virginia to WinterFest, which is a 2 day concert with a bunch of Christian bands. We saw KJ-52, Decyfer Down, Thousand Foot Krutch, Switchfoot, Fee, Fireflight, Barlow Girl, MercyMe, and Skillet. It was a wonderful concert. On the 2nd day we were in the 5th row so that was exciting!

In less then a month mom and I are heading to Abu Dhabi to visit Josh. We can't wait!!!

I'm sitting here trying to absorb some heat from the sun. It's been a cold start to the fall, but this week it's supposed to warm up some. It's been a nice 2 weeks. Dad has been visiting. Two weekends ago we headed to Hanging Rock State Park to go camping. However, they were booked for the weekend (in October, really?) so we went to Pilot Mountain State Park instead. We set up camp and relaxed on Thursday evening. On Friday dad, the dogs and I hiked up the mountain from the campground and then back down. It was about 4 miles total. Needless to say I was pretty sore the next day. Ryan joined us that evening. On Saturday we did some smaller hikes around Pilot Mountain with the dogs. I love a tired dog. On Sunday the weather turned colder. Dad, Ryan and I hiked the trail that went on the bottom of all of the rock climbing cliffs. Dad was scouting out the area so he could climb. We watched some climbers, which was fun. I don't think I actually want to climb again, but I like watching. Ryan, Leia and I headed back home that afternoon, dad stayed an extra day. When he got back in town we went to REI for the first time and I got a new day pack, so now I want to camp camp camp. Too bad its cold cold cold and I'm a wuss. He also made us some WONDERFUL Tuscan soup that was just like my favorite soup from Olive Garden. We think he just drove to Olive Garden, bought the soup, threw it in a pot, and claimed that he made it. Dad headed to the coast for a few days and is now back at our house. Dad and I had a nice lunch today and then went to Seagrove to look at some local pottery. I love when family comes and visits. It's also strange in a way, being an adult and having your parents come to your home. In a way it seems backwards. But I like it.

We have a busy fall filled with bonfires, gatherings with friends, meetings, etc. I complain about the cold, but I do enjoy snuggling in front of our fireplace, the smell of leaves, drinking hot cider, fall decorations, and eating yummy feasts.

Mom said I should probably delete this blog since I never write on it. Pish posh!

I'm actually home in Hancock right now. I've had a great time so far. Josh was here as well, except he flew back to Abu Dhabi today. :( The first evening here Josh and I went to a folk festival in Lake Linden. There was some great music there. It's strange how the music scene in the U.P. is so good, yet it's the U.P. so there isn't much for these talented people to do. GET OUT OF HERE! I got some yummy Mackinaw Island Fudge ice cream that evening and experienced GeoCaching for the first time. Josh got me hooked. For those of you that don' t know what it is (I didn't until a few days ago) there is a website that gives you GPS coordinates to find these GeoCaches that people place all over the world. You use the coordinates to find the container which has a log that you sign to show you've been there. Some people leave little trinkets. It's pretty cool. On my second day here mom, Josh and I headed up to Copper Harbor, where we did more GeoCaching. I was officially signed up so I could participate. :) We ate at the Harbor Haus and went to Brockway Mt. and other touristy spots. The 3 of us couldn't figure out a time where just the 3 of us have taken that trip. We always went up there when people would come and visit, but we didn't know if just the 3 of us ever went up there. Good family bonding. ;) Josh and I went camping at the Huron River with dad as well. Again, it was something that the 3 of us haven't done for over 10 years. I hadn't been there for 8 years. But it was as if I had never left. We had wonderful weather and a nice relaxing time. I've eaten a lot of good food and have taken a lot of pictures. For some reason it just felt like a strange trip. I think I just have been much more appreciative of the beauty up here. Living up here, I recognized how pretty it was, but now I appreciate it much more. And always when I'm home I think of past memories...hanging out at Hancock Camp grounds, cruising around, shows at the Suburban Exchange, etc. Just staying in my old room brings back a bunch of crazy memories. It is fun to reminisce. I am here for 1 1/2 more days. I hope to take more in.

I like my days off. I wish I could chose to go into work when I wanted and not have to follow a schedule. Wouldn't that be nice? I just finished a Starbucks caramel frappacino and am about to head upstairs to tackle re-arranging our "office". Our friends Dawn and Lance just moved into an apartment from a house, so they were selling a bunch of stuff. We bought their treadmill...their VERY big, VERY heavy treadmill. Ryan figured out how to get it apart into 3 pieces so we actually get it upstairs (or so we hope). We had no room for it, so we had to move a bunch of furniture around to make space for it. We did some of it last night, but now I have to finish.

I've been pretty busy with church stuff. I am on a "committee" to help make a year-long church calendar with time slots for Bible studies, outreach events, Baptism services, etc. We've been meeting to finish that. I'm also working with the new online database we got and it's my job to input all the people of the church. Needless to say, that's been keeping me busy.

One more month until I get to see mom and Josh!!! We are heading to Ohio for the Angel family reunion. I can't wait!

I understand that this is a completely random post, but I figured I should get something on my page. Well, time to head upstairs and organize!

Last Saturday Ryan and I were able to go to Carowinds (amusement park). There were a bunch of Christian bans playing, so that was our motivation to go. We got up early and hit the road. We realized we forgot sunscreen so had to take an "adventure" to find a Walmart so we could buy some. Stupid GPS doesn't have Walmarts/Targets listed. Not helpful. We got into the park and the first crazy, upside down, feet dangling roller coaster we saw, we got in line for it. The line was long of course, but it probably only took 30 min to get through. It was really fun, but when it ended, Ryan and I looked at each other and both said, "I don't feel so good." Luckily the nausea/dizziness wore off before we got sick. Then we got in line for a rapids ride, the one where 6 people sit in the big inner tube boat and you go through the rapids. We were in line for over an hour. LAME! Don't stand in line for that ride EVER. By this time we had to go back to the car and get our change of clothes, money, camera, etc and head to the concerts. The bands that played were Remedy Drive (never heard of them), Fireflight, Brandon Heath, Hawk Nelson, Third Day and TobyMac. I was very excited to see Fireflight because they are one of my new favorite bands and haven't seen them yet. I really enjoyed them. I was one of the few people standing and singing the whole time. :) I bought one of their t-shirts and their first cd, which I didn't know existed. Brandon Heath was very good, and relaxing at the same time. If only it was Cornerstone and I could have put a blanket down and listened to him with my eyes closed...ahhhh...perfection. Hawk Nelson was surprisingly good. I think I need current cd of theirs. I have one from years ago, but their style has changes some. Third Day was awesome as always. TobyMac was fun and entertaining as always. It's funny that I enjoy TobyMac so much now, considering how I disliked DC Talk so much. We hit a horrible storm on the way home, but made it home safely. It was so nice to spend time with Ryan. We've both been so busy, it feels like we don't see each other much.

I have 4 days off this weekend. Last night we went to my co-worker, Bert's, for dinner and some Rock Band. We were going to swim in his pool, but the water was a bit too chilly. How did I ever jump in Lake Superior growing up? Today I have NO PLANS and love it! I'll do stuff around the house, but I don't have any obligations to go anywhere. It's a good feeling. Tomorrow we have a scavenger hunt at church, where teams drive around the city taking pics of stuff. I'm excited. It should be fun. And I think we have a couple on our team that we just met, so it'll be fun getting to know them. Sunday we have church and that's it. Nice, relaxing weekend. Love it!

We are on the last day of the month for my "May weight loss challenge". As of 2 days ago I had lost 7 lbs. As of this morning I had lost 6 lbs. Then we decided to do the final weigh in tomorrow morning. I was hoping for a day off, but I guess I have to work out today. :) I am very proud of myself. Usually when I try to set my mind on working out, I do it for about 2 weeks and stop. I was very good this month. I watched what I ate, mostly cut pop out and worked out a lot. I had one glass of pop at my Tastefully Simple Party and one in the middle of the month, and my stomach was NOT happy with me for that one. I have lost at least a 1/2 inch from all the areas I took measurements. Even if I'm not the winner, I'm proud of myself.

It's been a strange week this week. There are a lot of hurting people that I'm coming in contact with. I've been doing a lot of praying for other people. It's overwhelming at times, to feel the pain of other people. The strangest one for me...I have a friend who just found out her teenage daughter is pregnant. I'm not going to go into details, but it felt like a knife in my chest when I first heard it. It took my breath away. I saw the teenager today for the first time and was mad and jealous. Then mad at myself for being jealous of a 17 year old. Life just sucks sometimes, but I serve a God that cares about my emotions and helps me work through my anger and jealousy and most importantly, forgives me for that.

There have been a few ladies from the church that have been working out together on Wednesdays. For the month of May we started a "May weight loss challenge". Our goal is to lose 10 lbs. The winner gets to pick where to go out to eat and the others have to treat her. I'm glad we are doing it, because it's actually motivating me to work at it. I was at a good weight during the first pregnancy, but then after the miscarriage I ate crap and loaded up on pop and gained 15 lbs back. If I lose 10 I'll be happy with my weight, since technically I'm considered overweight for my height. We are on day 8 now. I won't let myself get on the scale until the 15th, but I feel great. I've been working out everyday, haven't been drinking pop (had one at my Tastefully Simple Party and just felt guilty), not eating fast food, and cutting the bad-for-me sweets out. I'm trying to watch portions and eating small healthy things throughout the day. I also took body measurements, so if I don't lose the weight, I can at least see that I'm toning up. I started at 143.0, so I'll let you know what happens!

I tend to always start these blogs out saying, "It's been forever since I wrote..." Then I think I will always do better, but that never happens. I am avoiding going to the grocery store and doing this instead. Isn't procrastination great? But I guess I'm doing something I need to do, so is it really procrastination?

Anyhoo...I guess I'll give a summery of what has been going on in my life for the past few months. It sure wasn't pretty. In January I found out I was pregnant again. Ryan and I were excited, but scared at the same time. There was constantly this sense of caution. It's really hard to explain. Looking back, were we not trusting God enough, or is that just a healthy emotional barrier that people put up when this has already happened to them? When I was about 6 weeks along I started bleeding and absolutely lost it emotionally. People kept saying that it could just be normal bleeding and everything could be alright, but I knew. We went to the doctor and had an ultrasound and everything looked normal. We saw the baby's heart beat. Ryan and I went out to celebrate afterward, but I still had a weird feeling. Then that evening I started cramping and the bleeding was worse and I knew that was it. I had gone into work the next day because I couldn't get into the doctor's until the day after that and I was a mess. At this point, the only person at work that knew was my co-worker Katy. Ryan was supposed to be at youth group that evening and I didn't want to be at home alone, so Katy was a great friend and invited me over to help keep my mind off of it. Once I got home I was in more pain, so Ryan canceled youth and came home to be with me. The next day I had an appointment. Our pastor's wife, Tish, came with us, since she is my North Carolina mom. It meant so much because she knew my mom would want to be here with us, but can't, so she would come with us. I couldn't see my own doctor. I had to see the most unsympathetic woman in the world, who confirmed that I did miscarry. I took a few days off to get my head straight. People said they could see a difference in my healing process between the last one and this one...that this one was faster. It may have been, but my hurt may have come out in different forms. At the same time I was majorly stressed and unhappy with work. I was a very bitter and cynical person. Talking to Tish, my emotions from the miscarriage could have been carried out in that fashion. I am trying to find ways to decrease my stress level at work and have been successful for the past 2 weeks or so. I was a mess two weeks ago at church. They had the baby dedication for two of my friends' babies. They had postponed it previously so the three of us could do the baby dedication together. I really didn't want to be there because all I kept thinking about was "what could have been." And to top it off, I ended up with a 24 hour stomach bug that day and was pretty sick when I got home. Good times.

The next step...I got a bunch of blood work done to make sure there isn't anything genetically wrong with me that is causing the miscarriages. Everything came out normal. Which I wasn't sure to be happy or not about. If something was abnormal, I would have at least had a reason for this happening. Instead I'm just one of those statistics that this happens to. So, when we're given the ok, we will try again. Please pray for us. We are still very scared. There is nothing more we want then to have a baby.

We sang this song at church on Sunday and it really hit home with me. I'll explain later. Here's the song:

"Bring The Rain" by MercyMe

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray

Holy, holy, holyIs the Lord God Almighty

February 7th...today was supposed to be my due date. It's just been a wierd day. I haven't been overly sad, which is good. I'm just sort of "blah". I guess I'm trying not to think about it too much or think about "what could have been".

Last weekend at church we had a Network seminar. Network is a program that helps you identify what your spiritual gift is, such as creative communication (worship band, drama, etc), intercession, mercy, teaching, etc. I found out that my top 3 were administration, hospitality, and helps. It wasn't that much of a surprise to have administration as my top one, since I love to organize and coordinate things. I also found that I'm a task structured person. There are 4 categories....people vs. task and structured vs unstructured. You can make 4 combos out of that. I focus mainly on the task at hand, and are very structured doing so. I also discovered that a passion of mine is getting new Christians plugged into Bible studies. When people first become Christians, they often don't get themselves plugged into Bible studies, probably because they don't know what to expect, are scared, etc. It's so important in their growth and we as a church aren't good about focusing in on those people. I also think we should be having GIGs (InterVarsity term for Groups Investigating God) for the non-Christians in our church, to have a safe and comfortable place for then to learn about who God is. For awhile I've been expressing this to leadership at church, but in a way felt guilty because I wanted it yet, was not willing to teach it. Through Network I realized teaching is not my gift so I shouldn't feel guilty for not leading it. I can take my gift of administration and help get these started and organize them. I am also going to help our assimilation pastor implement Network at our church. The goal is to get people through a 3 step process...first is a Bible study learning how to spend time with God, the second is learning about Jesus's characteristics and how to apply them to your life, and the third is Network. Once people complete Network we will be able to see what people's spiritual gifts are and be able to place them in tasks where they will flourish and be the most satisfied. I'm very excited about this because although I'm considered "leadership" at church, I often feel a disconnect since I can only be there 2 out of 4 Sundays a month. Some of the tasks I've been given can be easily done from home and I'm excited to do it.

Last night Ryan and I got to spend some time with our good friends Joylynn, Thor and Laura. Thor had a concert at a coffee shop so we went to that. Joy's such a good listener and let me vent about my job. It's been very frustrating, especially this past week. Decisions are being made about our animals that don't make any sense. I'm going to stop here since this a public blog and I don't want to get all worked up again. Ask me about it if you'd like. Today Joy is having tea party at her house. I'm super excited because she let me know she is making spring rolls. I'm going to go early and eat them all before everyone else gets there. :) I created a tea party hat yesterday. It's pretty funny. It'll be nice to hang out with the girls, even though I won't know most of them. Then tomorrow we are going to a friends house to watch the superbowl. Go Arizona! (I really don't care...I just say that because their quarterback openly talks about his faith and that's awesome).