A few things I'm thankful for...
A: Air to breathe
B: Back tickles
C: Church, caramel apple cider, creativity
D:Dad
E: Energy
F: Family,Friends, food
G: Grace
H: Holy Spirit, House, Health
I: Ideas, ice cream
J: Jesus, Josh
K: Kindness, Knowledge, Kisses
L: Laughter, Love, Life
M: Mom, money, memories
N: New beginnings
O: Old friends
P: Pets
Q: Quiet
R: Ryan
S: Sleeping, sunshine, sleeping in the sunshine, smelly candles
T: Transportation
U: Unconditional love
V: Vision, vacations
W: Water
X: Xyanthopyll (causes leaves to change color in fall)
Y: You for reading this
Z: Zoos

Cards, cards, and more cards...At the beginning of December we are having an employee craft and bake sale at work. My co-worker talked me into selling my hand-made cards, so I've been a busy beaver mass producing cards. I'm still at the point where I am enjoying it, which is important. I signed up with less then a month to work, so I guess I can only blame myself.

We paid off Ryan's car!!! It felt good and bad to write that check. Bad because it was a good chunk leaving our bank account, but good because we are making visual process toward being debt free. I recommend Financial Peace University to everyone. (I think people at work are getting tired of me talking about it)

I am still loving the Financial Peace University class. We recently had a week about dumping debt which got me all pumped up, ready to pay of our debts (car loans and school loans). With the plan we can be debt free in 4 years (this isn't including the house). Sounds better then paying school loans for 10 more years. Our budget this month has gone well. There were a few things we forgot to budget for, such as pet supplies. Sorry, Leia, you can't eat this month. :) We were able to work it out though.

A few weeks ago we took the youth group to the Dixie Classic Fair. My friend and co-worker Kelly went with us as well. First we ate food. Then we rode a ride in the rain. Then we ate more food. Then we went to the Mandisa and Matthew West concert. Not a fan of Mandisa but she did do some fun old classic songs like "Stop in the Name of Love" and "Respect". Kelly and I had a blast. There are pictures to prove it, but I have yet to see them. Then Matthew West performed. I hadn't really heard of him before, but we decided to go up front since he was a cutie. So we grabbed the girls from youth group and headed up there. We were in the 2nd row. Kelly and I were acting like we were 12. We had a blast! Then Matthew jumped off stage and landed next to Kelly and I. She rubs his arm raw, I just touch his arm. Crazy girls. Oh wait, it wasn't just us girls. Zack and Chris did it too! After the concert Kelly and I said "This will not be the night that we remember being cold and wet. This is the night we were 12 again."

I found out my mom is coming in December to visit! I am so excited!!!! The Angel family Christmas party is the first weekend, so we'll drive up to Maryland together. I can't wait!!!

At church Ryan and I are taking Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University seminar. Each week we watch a DVD with the lesson, then have a discussion with a group of about 20 people. During the week there is "homework" to do. We have only taken the class for 2 weeks now, but I have realized how blessed Ryan and I are when it comes to money. Don't know what we are doing right, but we must be doing something right. The class talks about baby step #1 is to set up an emergency fund of $1000. Ryan and I have never not had at least that amount in the bank. We have never had to live paycheck to paycheck.There are people in the class that say they don't even know how they can save $1 a month to put towards the emergency fund because every penny goes to bills. That's insane to me. But on the other hand, there is probably one thing they could find that they could do without for that month. Ryan and I have lived a lifestyle where if we want it, we get it. Now I'm not saying that is good. We want to be able to manage our finances so we have a lot saved up for retirement, emergencies, etc. I'm not saying I don't want to not spend my money on anything fun anymore. We just want to be good stewards of our money, so we will be putting ourselves on a budget each month. It'll be hard for me to get in that mindset again. We had an "allowance" in college. If I wanted McDonald's at the end of the month, but only had $1 in my allowance, yet we still had money, no McDonalds. Don't get me wrong, I'm not bragging here, but it has made me greatful.

Happy birthday to Ryan! He turned the big 3-0 today. Yesterday we went to Raleigh for a Jars of Clay, Switchfoot and Third Day concert. There was another band too, but I can't remember their name. I wasn't impressed anyway. The concerts were very good. Unfortunately we missed some of Jars of Clay, because they started at 6:00 and we got there a little late because we both had to work and it was a 2 hour drive. It was cool seeing these 3 bands together, because they were all some of the first bands that I listened to when I became a Christian, so they had a huge influence on my faith. And it's cool that 10 years later, they still do. The venue was cool. It was an outdoor pavilion, some of which had a roof over it. We were at the point where the roof stopped and it was just open air behind us. There was a section where you could find a place in this huge grassy area, but we ended up getting tickets with an actual seat. It reminded me a lot of Cornerstone. Being out with the stars above you, breeze blowing, and rocking out to some awesome music. I miss Cornerstone. Maybe someday I'll be back.

As for me personally, I'm doing fine. God has really healed me and I'm very thankful for that. I still have my moments, but I'm sure that will always be there. I know God knows that my #1 desire is to have a baby. I want to be a mom so bad. It'll happen someday.

So here is what is going on in my life. I was pregnant. I am no longer pregnant. Ryan and I started trying in May and we got pregnant in May. We couldn't believe how fast it happened. We were so excited. I enjoyed being pregnant. For a few weeks I did hate food, and for me that is just crazy. I felt sick in the evenings. After that went away I was feeling great. I'd get tired, but feeling great. I remember even saying to people, "When I felt sick, my body was at least giving me a sign that I am pregnant. Now that I feel good and aren't showing yet, it is kinda scary because there is no real indication that I am pregnant." Little did I know... Even though it is really hard right now, I don't want to forget that joy Ryan and I had for our first pregnancy. The night we found out we were pregnant I heard David Cook's song "time of our lives" and thought just that, that this is the time of our lives. Ryan treated me like a princess. He kissed my belly every night and said goodnight to the baby.

So this is what happened...We are currently in Minnesota visiting family. Mom and Josh came down for a few days, and dad came down as well. I got to see my 2 year old niece a ton. She is the cutest thing on this planet. We went to a Twin's game, lots of shopping, Science Museum, the zoo, etc. I even had a surprise baby shower. On Wednesday and Thursday I had some light bleeding. I called the doctor and they said I shouldn't be alarmed and many women bleed some. I should go to the hospital if the bleeding increases or if I get heavy cramping. We were going to Ryan's grandpa's house 3 hours away from the cities. We were a few minutes away from grandpa's house and I felt heavy bleeding. I checked it out and told Ryan we needed to go to the hospital. So we went to the ER because OB wouldn't see me because I was only 12 weeks. They did an exam, ultrasounds, and blood work. After 3 hours of being there, the doctor came in and told us the bad news. I have what is called a "blighted ovum". It is when the egg is fertilized and develops into an embryo, but then gets absorbed by the uterus. The gestational sac where the baby would be and the placenta still develop. However the sac is empty since the baby never really grew. They detected this on the ultrasound. The sac is about the size that it would be at 7 weeks of pregnancy. And to make matters worse, this is only the beginning of my miscarriage. I still have to get rid of that sac and placenta. Hopefully my body does it naturally so I don't need a procedure to do it. The doctor said to expect a lot of bleeding and cramping. I got some pain meds from him. I just want it to be over.

People keep asking how I'm doing. It's such a funny question. Do they really want to know how I'm doing? I just lost my first baby. I was fooled for 3 months that I was pregnant, when really I may have only been for a very short while. I kept telling Ryan "I just want to go home." Which is true. I want my kitties to snuggle. I want my own bed. I want to be able to escape if I want to. However, tonight was ok. We had the whole Monson clan here for dinner and I was able to get my mind off of it some. It's hard when I have to see people for the first time since they found out, it's hard e-mailing people, it's hard to see the baby gifts I received. I will make it though. I will be stronger because of it. I really am not looking forward to going to work again. It will be hard to see my friends there. I know they support me, but again, it's just hard to see people. I don't want to call my dad on Monday. I know what it is like to feel other people's pain, and I don't want people to feel pain because of what Ryan and I are going through. Sometimes compassion sucks. I love my family and friends to death and I know they love me. I have been so blessed with them and we will get tons of support from them. There are still other people we have to tell. I hate telling people. I know Ryan and I debated who we were going to tell we were pregnant and when. Our reasoning was to tell family, friends, and church, because if something bad did happen, we would want their support. And we do, however, when we are pregnant again, I'm not sure how we are going to go about doing it. Having to tell people that you lost your baby is one of the hardest things I had to do.

Please pray for us. God will heal us over time. I have no doubt about that.

I know it has been months. I apologize to the 2 of you that may check this and who continue to find it never updated. As I have said before, I just haven't felt like writing anything. Life has had some ups and downs lately, but I will be vague and for that I apologize as well. I guess I just don't feel like putting everything out there for the world to see sometimes. As for the "ups" in my life right now, at some point, hopefully soon, I will elaborate more. So you guys will have something to look forward to. Until next time...

What a beautiful day. It is in the mid-70's today and sunny. Ryan and I have been outside for a few hours doing yardwork, which I am surprisingly enjoying. It is probably because it is such a nice day, so doing anything outside would be pleasant.

Leia is still doing good. Potty training is time consuming. It is discouraging hearing that a lot of puppies aren't fully trained until they are a year old. We are using a crate, which is helping a whole lot. When we got her she was 4 pounds. Now she is 6.6 lbs. She can climb up the stairs of the porch now. Our little girl is growing up so fast :)

I know it was been forever. For some reason, I haven't had any desire to write on here. Let's see if I can remember some highlights.

We got a puppy. Her name is Leia. She is 6 weeks old and since she's so young, the breed is uncertain. We think she is 1/2 golden retriever, 1/2 something else. We got her on Friday, so we are still learning. She is quite the handful, but a ton of fun too.

Work has been good. For the first time since Sept. all of our animals are in their normal exhibits and everything is "back to normal". We had some construction going on, which threw stuff off for quite a long time.

It's pathetic, but I really can't think of anything else that has been going on. I'm sure there is, but again, I just don't feel like writing on this thing. :( I'm a bum. Time for me to get come cleaning done while the puppy is actually sleeping.

We got to go to Hancock for Christmas this year. It was a bumpy start, but we had a great time. Our plane left Greensboro on Christmas Eve. We arrived in Detroit in the morning to catch our flight, however they informed us that we wouldn't be getting on that flight and that we couldn't get to Marquette until the next morning (Christmas). What? Because of the cold weather in Marquette they had to put extra fuel on the plane, therefor bumping 8 people off the flight. At least they treated us well. We got free tickets to use later, a hotel room and lots of food vouchers. There were 6 of us that wanted to rent a van together and drive up to Marquette, but it would have cost way too much. Crazy what you will do when you are desperate to get home for Christmas. I was very upset. I just wanted to be home. I fought the tears in the airport, but then as soon as we got to the hotel I broke down. We did get to see Phil and Sandy. They picked us up at the hotel and went out to lunch. I went to bed at 6:00 that night so I didn't have to think about it. We had no problems getting out the next morning. We had a delicious Christmas breakfast at the airport and headed to Marquette. Dad was there waiting for us at the airport and drove us back home. Josh and Amy were at the house waiting for us. (Gracie too). Mom was at work so we headed to the hospital to see her. When she got home we celebrated Christmas. The next day we went out to dad's to celebrate. We went snowshoeing, ate a lot of food, had hot cider, played with the doggies, etc. There is always something special about dad's. I can't explain it. Maybe Josh knows what I'm talking about. The rest of the week was good. I got to hang out a lot with Josh and Amy. We ate at my favorite restaurant and ate my favorite pizza. Josh's band, Senator Dexter, played at a bar. It was really fun seeing them play, even if it was a lot different than it used to be. There were a lot of familiar songs and they played my favorite. It was so nice to be home for Christmas. Who knows when I'll be able to again.

I got promoted at work! Since my supervisor retired this summer, my co-worker got his position, opening up a Keeper II position. I had applied and had an interview in December. I found out on Wednesday. For the most part my job is the same except more responsibility...training people, making sure tasks get done, etc.

I know it's been a long time. Let's see...what happened over the past month? My birthday was Nov. 16th. I had to work on my b-day, but afterwards we went out dinner with some of my co-workers. On the 17th we went to a Casting Crowns concert. I wasn't sure how much we would like it, but we really enjoyed it. And thanks to Chris and Tish, we had great seats. Ryan's parents came that night for a week. We did some shopping, went to Duke University in Durham, played a lot of cards, baked cookies, and ate a lot. They were here over Thanksgiving. I worked so Ryan and his parents cooked. We also had friends over as well, so they helped with the cooking. We had 12 people over and it was a blast! I love having parties at our new house. We don't have place settings for 12 people, but who cares if you have to eat off paper plates on Thanksgiving! It was great to have them over. We love visitors!

The beginning of this month we went to Maryland for a weekend for the Angel Christmas party. It was so great to see everyone. This was the first year that Ryan and I got to go. And it was the first time he got to meet some of the family. We stayed at Jerri's.

We have been busy getting ready for Christmas. There has been Christmas parties, Christmas shopping, lots of cookies (almost to the point where I never want to eat a cookie again). On the 24th we are heading home to Hancock and I can't wait!

This past weekend my mom came to visit. Her plane arrived on Thursday afternoon. What I like about the Greensboro airport is you can pay $ .25 per 15 min to park, then go in the airport to wait for the people to deplane. It is so much more exciting seeing them walk down the hall and greeting them in the airport, then driving around and picking them up at the curb. We went to Ryan's school, TJ Maxx, and then out to eat at McAlister's Deli. On Friday I took her to the zoo, then that evening we headed to Bat Cave, NC. We got a cabin and a campground there. We roasted hotdogs over a fire and just relaxed. The next day we went to Chimney Rock and hiked the long/strenuous trail, which isn't too bad once you get past the first 15 minutes. It was the film site of "Last of the Mohicans" so that night we rented it and got to say "we were there!" In Chimney Rock we bummed around the stores and ate some good ole' Southern cooking. Sunday we went to church and then out to eat with people from church. One night we watched "Mean Girls". Tuesday we went out to eat and hit the mall and a few stores. I took the day off on Wednesday to take her to the airport. It was sad to say goodbye, like always.

Ryan and I had a few busy days. On Friday we had youth group. We did a "video blast" night with video games for the kids to play. It was a hit and the adults had fun too! Saturday we went to my co-worker's Katy's for dinner and to play cards, and of course play with her 5 week old baby. It sure makes me have the baby itch. :) Last night we had a potluck (or covered dish as they call it in the south) with the church. It's always great to just get together since we don't do it as often as we used to when we met on Sat. nights. Ryan and I had the day off together today. We slept in, went to Saw IV, bought a lawn mower, caught up on tv shows, and baked. I love having days off together.

Happy Halloween! We had our first Halloween in our new house. We had all the Halloween decorations on, candles lit, and actually had more than 2 trick-or-treaters. Since we've always lived in apartments together, we never got that many kids, but tonight we got a good number. We watched Charlie Brown's and Garfield's Halloween specials and snuggled on the couch.

Tomorrow my mom comes to visit!

This past week my dad came to visit. I had to work on Monday but took off an hour early to pick him up at the airport. Once I got him we went to Ryan's school so dad could see that. We then ate at a Japanese steakhouse. Lots of good food. There was a cute little boy that sat at our table that keep telling the chef, "you are a good chef and a good magician." He was really funny. On Tuesday my dad and I headed to Hanging Rock State Park in Danbury, NC. We hiked the longest and most strenuous hike at 4.2 miles. 1.2 of that being up the mountain. We got to the top to see the wonderful sight from the mountaintop and.....it was all foggy. :( At least we got some good exercise. We did see some good rocks that my dad drooled at since he wanted to climb them. We hiked down the mountain and had a nice lunch and headed home. That night Ryan grilled in the rain. We couldn't complain about the rain because we were in the worst drought in NC history. Then we watched a movie. On Wednesday I took my dad to the zoo where we had a good time. Toward the end it started pouring on us. That evening we just hung around the house and talked. On Thursday I had to head to work so Ryan took dad to the airport. We had a great time and I'm very glad he was able to come and visit. My mom is coming next weekend I am very much looking forward to that.

In the chuch bulletin, the pastor's wife put in a journal entry of her son, Greg, who passed away the end of September. I have a previous post about it if you need an update. It was one of the last entries in his journal:

"...Lord please help me to stay focused on you and give me the strength to go on. With all the crap in my life it is hard to remember the 2nd coming and that someday you will bring me home. I know I need to keep my eyes on this....WOW, how Awesome to know that one day I will have no more sadness, no more crying and no more FEARS!!!!!"

Greg now has no more sadness, crying or fears. It is a blessing knowing where he is, but there is obviously still a lot of sadness. Please continue to pray for his family, friends, and church.

Yesterday Ryan and I took the youth group to the Dixie Classic Fair. Barlow Girl, a Christian band made up of 3 sisters, was playing at the fair. The concert was really good. The boys in the youth group were pretty skeptical of the concert at first, but walked away impressed at how those girls can rock out. The youth went on some rides. Ryan and I just watched them get dizzy and queasy. There were "fireworks" which were pretty pathetic, but Josh B. and Amber Q. screamed for each one, like it was the best thing they have ever seen. We had a lot of strange looks shot our way, but hey, they were having fun. Then Josh B. and Ryan would randomly run up to food vendors and yell "turkey legs rock!". Good times. Please pray for Ryan and I and the youth group. We have been temporarily taking over, but have not made a commitment for the youth group because we don't know yet if that is what God wants us to do. Please pray for discernment in this situation so Ryan and I will know either way if we should commit, or just continue being the interim youth group leaders. Any advise or insight would be greatly appreciated.

I had a friend pass away this past week. His name is Greg, and Ryan and I knew him from church here in NC. His dad is our pastor. He died in a fire on Wednesday night. I just got back from the funeral. I've been to a few funerals, but they've all been grandparents. In a way you "expect" those, but this is someone who is my age. How can you prepare for something like that? This was the hardest funeral that I've been to. There has been a lot of tears shed from everyone. I remember at my grandma's funeral, my dad and I were at the casket together and he said, "This is normal. Going to your parent's funeral. It's expected. What's not normal is if I lost one of you." That's one of the hardest things about this. This parents, Chris and Tish. They have been through so much in thier lives. It sometimes seems like a black cloud is following them around at all times. But I have never met people so focused on God and His direction for thier lives. Each tragedy they have dealt with while focused on Christ. And they are so open about thier lives and what they've gone through. We always joke that they are our "North Carolina parents" since we don't have family here. And when we have children they are our designated "North Carolina Grandparents". They are always sending us home with food when we go to their house. It's just hard to see them suffering through another thing. Greg was going through a rough time in his life and he cut out a lot of friends during this period, so Ryan and I haven't talked to him in awhile. In a way for me that is good, because the memories I have were of the good, funny, sober Greg. But as much as he was recently going through, there is no doubt in my mind that he is in Heaven with Christ right now. He knew Christ, and followed Him, but was just in a rough patch of his walk. Greg was passionate about the teens at our church, but once he started drinking, he had to stop leading youth group. Since that time Ryan and I have been helping with the teens. We were really concerned about them because they loved Greg a lot. The last time we met with the teens we were talking about things they wanted to do. One of those was to do something for Greg in this difficult time. They did take is death hard, and it was hard to see them hurting so much. Greg wanted the teens to see the mistakes he had made in the past and how you can overcome them, but unfortunately he slipped back into that lifestyle. Ryan was a pallbearer, which was truely an honor. When Chris had asked him he said something along the lines of, "I know you and Greg weren't really good friends yet, but I would've liked you to have been." They had a slide show at the end of the funeral with pictures of Greg. There was a picture from last Christmas with me, Ryan, Greg, and his wife, Danielle. It was the only picture in that slideshow that didn't have family in it, so again, we were honored to be apart of the "family". My head hurts from crying and my eyes are tired. On Saturday we went to Chris and Tish's house to spend some time with them. That was hard because you are always concerned about "what do I say", etc. I knew we needed to go. Tish does better surrounded by people and we know it would mean a lot if we went. So we pushed our stupid selfish reasons aside and visited them. On Sunday they had the visitation. It was a closed casket due to the fire but there were pictures all over of Greg, showing of his personality. Today was the funeral, then grave site service, and then a lunch at the church. Again, it was so hard to see the family...parents, wife, siblings. I was hurting but couldn't even image what they were going through. I am grateful for my family, my heath (physical and mental), my friends, my church, my job, my house, my food, the clothes on my back. This was a good reminder of the things I have and how it can be gone in a heartbeat so don't take it for granted. I am thankful that Greg knew Christ. His life isn't over. He's probably having a party with Jesus right now, filling up the room like he always did. You will be missed, Greg, but we will see you again someday. I'll never forget your chinchilla impression.

Living Room 1

Living Room 2